Internet Info 1994 March/Internet Info CD-ROM (Walnut Creek) (March 1994).iso/answers/rec/scouting/1_skits-yells-and-campfires/part1

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From: [e-mail] (Jack Mortimer)
Newsgroups: rec.scouting,news.answers,rec.answers
Subject: rec.scouting FAQ#1: Skits, Yells & Creative Campfires (1/2)
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Date: 26 Mar 1994 14:29:07 GMT
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Archive-name: scouting/1_skits-yells-and-campfires/part1
Last-Modified 1993/11/10

[Note: part 2 of this file has been completely replaced. More
 on this in the part 2 introduction -- Ed.]

This file contains a number of skits and yells collected on
rec.scouting  and scouts-l, for your own Pack meetings and campfires.
While the yells are rarely useable outside of the english-speaking
countries, most skits are very easy to translate, and my cubs love them!

I have also appended a compilation of creative ways to light a
campfire. If you use them, be careful not to incite the kids to start
playing with liquid fuels. The results can be devastating.

If you know a good skit or yell that hasn't been included in this FAQ,
please do all of us the favour. Write it up and post it on rec.scouting.
Drop me a copy too to make sure that I include it in this file.

There are a few books I know on skits, yells and campfires:

The "BSA Cub Scout Leader How-To Book". It is built to help the
cub scout pack and den leaders running programs that kids enjoy.
A section of 15 pages is dedicated to skits, yells and applauses.
ISBN 0-8395-3831-6.

"Creative Campfires" is another fine publication. Half of the
book contains songs, and the rest is crammed with skits, stories,
yells and tips to set up an entertaining campfire. (Sorry - no ISBN,
but it can be ordered worldwide from the BSA Supply Division -
Fax [phone]).

"Campfire Stories....Things That go Bump in the Night" by William
Forgey, M.D. contains 21 campfire stories, with large typeface
summary of each. Also includes the author's suggestions for how
to be successful at telling campfire stories.
ISBN 0-934802-23-8 published by ICS Books.
Approximate price: $10US  $13CA

This file is in digested format, like all FAQ files on this newsgroup.
If you're using nn as newsreader, type 'G %" to split the digest into
individual postings. In bn or rn, typing control-G should cause the
reader to skip to the next posting within this file.

There are nine FAQ files in the rec.scouting FAQ series. The FAQ files
are posted in regular intervals (one file every three or four days)
on rec.scouting, rec.answers and news.answers. They can also be
retrieved through anonymous FTP from ftp.ethz.ch (path: rec.scouting/).

As the FAQ files are updated regularly, make sure that you have the
latest copy in your hands. The release date of this FAQ is indicated
in the line starting with "Last-Modified:" at the top of this file.
Files older than three months should be considered as outdated.

This file or parts of it may be freely used, printed and re-distributed
as long as you enclose this paragraph and keep the references to the
respective contributors and to the maintainer (listed below) intact.

-- Danny Schwendener         [e-mail]
   Wolfsmeute Nidau/Glockenhof, Sihlstr. 33, CH-8001 Zurich, Switzerland

There is a big file of songs at ftp.ethz.ch (path: rec.scouting/songs/)
There is a big file of magic campfire starters at ftp.ethz.ch (path:
rec.scouting/misc)

--------------------------------
Date:  Thu, 16 Jul 1992 12:47:53 -0400
From:  [e-mail] (Jack W. Weinmann)
Subject:  Skit - Rowing

Four or more people sneak up behind the speaker and set chairs down so
that "the speaker can't see them."  They then begin to go through the
motions of casting a line and reeling it in.  After a while the audience
is watching what the group is doing and then the "speaker" looks over
and asks, "What are you doing?"

"We're fishing!" is the reply of the fishermen, after which they go
back to their motions and the speaker resumes talking.  After a short
time the speaker looks over and says - "But you can't fish here!"

"Why not?" asks another fisherman.

"Because there's no water here!" (speaker)

"Oh, well, they weren't biting anyway!" (fisherman)

The fishermen then turn their chairs so that they are lined up in
a single line, facing in the same direction.  They go through the
motions of putting their gear away, and then, acting as if they are
rowing a boat, slide their chairs backwards across the stage."

It worked well in a gymnasium and at the hall where we showed it
to the leaders at roundtable.  Perhaps the fishermen could sit on
plastic garbage bags, or pieces of plastic sheet such as that which
is used for ground cloths and simply scoot across the ground when it
is time to "row" away.

Also, the speaker could be starting what looks like the introduction
to another skit when the fishermen interrupt his narration.


--------------------------------
From: [e-mail] (Wayne C. McCullough)
Subject: Skit - the Medicrin


                        The Medicrin

              as recorded by Wayne McCullough
                 (original Author unknown)

There  once  was a  medieval  village named  Trinsic.   This
village   was  being  terrorized  by  a  vile  monster,  the
Medicrin.   Each night,  the Medicrin would  stalk down from
the hills, and devour one of the villagers.

The  terrified villagers  called a  meeting, and  decided to
pool  their  money together  to  hire the  great  hero Erik.
<fanfare>

Erik  came and listened to  the complaints of the villagers.
He  consulted his  Great Hero's  Book of  Vile Monsters, and
learned that Medicrins love to eat Loons.

So  Erik hunted high and low to  find a loon.  He found one,
captured it, tied it up, and brought it back to the village.
He then had the villagers dig a deep pit.

Erik  threw the  loon into  the pit,  hoping to  capture the
Medicrin, and slay it.

     That night, the Medicrin came . . .

          It smelled the loon . . .

               But  it also smelled DANGER,  and it ran off,
devouring one of the villagers on the way out.

After  calming  the  villagers,  the  next  day,  Erik again
consulted  his  Great  Hero's  Book  of  Vile  Monsters, and
learned that Medicrins also love sugar.

So  Erik gathered  up all of  the sugar in  the village, and
threw  it into the pit.  The loon, not having eaten in days,
devoured all of the sugar in a single gulp.  Erik was struck
with  panic, and ran to and fro trying to figure out what to
do  next, but  night had fallen,  and the  Medicrin would be
there  soon, so Erik crossed his  fingers, and hoped for the
best.

     That night, the Medicrin came . . .

          It smelled the loon . . .

               It smelled danger . . .

                    But  it also smelled  the sugar, and the
Medicrin  dived into  the pit, and  devoured the  loon.  The
villagers swarmed over the Medicrin, and slew it.


          The moral of the story:

     "A loon full of sugar helps the Medicrin go down."


Presentation:
The  story calls for a narrator, a Hero, a Medicrin, a Loon,
and  assorted villagers.   The narrator should  have a loud,
clear  voice.  There should be at least three villagers, but
the more, the merrier (up to ten).

The  narrator  should  read the  story,  and  the characters
should act out the parts.  I personally feel no props should
be used, and only the narrator should speak.

The  narrator should read the  story slowly and dramatically.
Purely  from the spoken point of view, the only humor in the
entire  story  is  the  final  punch-line.    However, minor
slapstick should be employed by the actors.

This  is  amusing mostly  because of  the punch-line.   This
story should not be evoked in excess.


--------------------------------
From: Unknown
Subject: Skit - The little green ball

Hi Folks.
The following stunts and sketches were collected from the Xerox
scouting distribution list and contains items from leaders in
America and in England.
Have fun!

THE LITTLE GREEN BALL

This one is so old, but it appeals to the lads in my troop.
First scout comes on and says 'Oh no I've lost it'
He then starts to search around on the floor.
Second scout comes in and asks what he is looking for.
First scout replies that he has lost his little green ball.
Both scouts continue searching the floor.
Several more scouts come on and are told about the lost little
green ball. even members of the audience can be persuaded to join
in the search. After enough time has been dragged out, the first
scout, sticks a finger up his nose and says "Don't worry I will
have to make another one" YUK!!!!!


--------------------------------
From: Unknown
Subject: Skit - THE MAGIC DOCTOR'S CHAIR

Characters required, 1 doctor and four patients.
Props required, two chairs.
Scene begins with doctor sitting on one of the chairs.

First patient enters twitching their left arm.

DOCTOR:  'And what's wrong with you sir?'

Patient 1: 'As you can see doctor I have this terrible twitch'

DOCTOR:  'Just sit on my magic chair and you'll get better'

The patient sits on the chair and stops twitching, but the doctor's
left arm starts twitching.

Patient 1: 'Oh thank you doctor.  you cured me'

The patient  leaves, the doctor still twitching calls for the next
patient.
DOCTOR:  '  Next '......  'And what's wrong with you sir?'

This patient has the hiccups.  The process of sitting in the chair
is repeated. The doctor now has a twitch and the hiccups.

The third patient is called in, both his legs keep flicking in the air.  The
process is again repeated so that the doctor now has a twitching arm
the hiccups and both legs flicking in the air.

The doctor now calls patient four.  This patient looks quite normal,
enters and sits in the magic chair.

DOCTOR: 'And what may I ask is wrong with you sir?'

Patient 4: 'I've got a terrible case of the trots doctor'
The doctor runs off the stage holding his stomach.

Note: TROTS is English slang for can't stop going to the toilet


--------------------------------
From: Unknown
Subject: Skit - THREE SCOUT LEADERS

The scene is that three scout leaders are sitting around the campfire
swapping yarns, after having had a little too much of the amber nectar
to drink.

[Note: this skit is adapted from the "We were poor" sketch from
"Monty Python live at City Center" -- Danny]

1st leader:     These scouts today don't know they're born.  I can
remember the scout hut that we had.  There was a hole in the roof,
which let the water in when it were raining.

2nd leader:     A roof with a hole in it, that were luxury.  We had
an old tarpaulin sheet slung over the rafters.  Us older lads had to
hang onto it during the meetings, case it blew away in the wind.

3rd leader:     Rafters, now theres a luxury.  When I was a scout our
hut had no roof at all, and we kept out the rain with some old bits
of sack, held up with twigs.

1st leader:     We couldn't get twigs.   We had to hold the roof up
with our bare hands.  Those were the days.

2nd leader:     I remember when us lads used to go to camp.  We
loaded all our gear onto an old army truck and drove to the campsite
singing songs.

3rd leader:     We had no time for singing.  We used to pull all our
gear along on an old cart with wooden wheels.  And the wheels used
to get bogged down in the mud.

1st leader:     A cart with wheels, now thats what I call a luxury.
We just had an old cardboard box to put all our camping gear in, and
when it rained all our gear would get soaking wet, and fall into the
mud, but we were happy.

2nd leader:     Yes, those were the days.

3rd leader:     We had some nice tents though, big green six manners.

1st leader:     Six manners , luxury, our tents were so small, you
had to sleep sitting up.

2nd leader:     We didn't have any tents at all in my troop.  We used
to curl up in a hole that we'd dug in the ground, but we were happy.

3rd leader:     We couldn't afford a hole in the ground, we used to
sleep in a puddle.

1st leader:     Yes these youngsters today don't know they're born,
but if you told them all these things they would never believed you.


--------------------------------
From: Unknown
Subject: Skit - THE SUBMARINE  CAPTAIN

A line of submarine officers on a japanese sub during WWII .
Captain sights a ship in the parascope

CAPTAIN;        'Tanker bearing 259,  Range 1 mile'
He yells this to the  first mate, who in turn tells second mate,
down the line until finally the torpedo opperator is told.
The torpedo operator just shrugs his shoulders.

CAPTAIN:        'Load main tube # 1 and stand by to fire.'
He yells this to the  first mate, who in turn tells second mate,
down the line until finally the torpedo opperator is told.

TORPEDO OPERATOR:       'I don't know How.
'
Next the captain gives the order to fire down the line, but the
TORPEDO OPERATOR. says "I dont know How..."

This message is returned up the line to the Captain who SCREAMS.

CAPTAIN :       "Press the red button."

When this message finally gets down to the TORPEDO OPERATOR. he
follows it, but it took too long so they miss the ship.  (More
message passing if you want.) Finally after about three ships
(each time the TORPEDO OPERATOR doesnt remember how to fire.)
The Captain feels disgraced and pulls out a knife and commits
Sepuku (or incorrectly, Hari Keri)  Each officer in turn picks
up the knife and follows the Captains example until at last the
knife comes to the Torpedo Officer Who looks at the knife and says;

TORPEDO OPPERATOR:      'I dont Know How..."


--------------------------------
From: Unknown
Subject: Skit - IS IT TIME YET?
Line of 5-8 Scouts standing with left foot crossed over right,
right arm crossed over left.

First Scout in line asks:        "IS IT TIME YET?" -
Second Scout asks third, etc down the line.

Last Scout says:                 "NO"
Word is passed back to the first Scout, one Scout at a time.

After a lonnnnnnnng pause,

First Scout asks:                "IS IT TIME YET?"
It goes down the line as before.

Last Scout says:                 "NO"
Again and the word  is passed back.

Another long pause...............

First Scout asks again: "IS IT TIME YET?"
etc and,

Last Scout says:                 "YES"
the answer is passed back.
Just after the first Scout gets the word, they all change to
right foot over left and left arm over right.

Exit groaning


--------------------------------
From: Unknown
Subject: Skit - RAISIN SKIT

1st Scout comes out:      Gets down on all fours, pretenting to be
a table.
2nd Scout comes out, looks at the table and declares;

2nd SCOUT:       "Ahh, a fly, I think I'll pull it's wings off"
Proceeds to pick it up, pluck the wings, put it back on the table,
and walks off.

3nd Scout comes out, looks at the fly on the table and says;

3rd SCOUT:      "Oh, a fly with no wings, I think I'll pull it's
legs off", With great precision and animation, picks up the fly,
removes it's legs, and puts it back and walks off.

4rd Scout comes out, looks at the fly and announces;

4th SCOUT:       "Say, a fly with no wings and no legs, I think
I'll pull it's head off."
Then proceeds as the other Scout before him.

Last Scout comes out looks at the table, then carefully inspects
the object with out picking it up and says very quickly

LAST SCOUT:      "A raisin !" and quickly picks it up and puts it
in his mouth

--------------------------------
From: Unknown
Subject: Skit - THE NUTTY FISHERMAN
Centre stage is a lad fishing from a billy can or bucket, he keeps
pulling the rod as though he has something on the line.  A passer
by looks at him as he walks by and then walks on, after a few
steps the passer by comes back to the lad.

Passer by:        "What are you doing there then?"

Fisher:           "I'm fishing, what does it look as though
I'm doing?"
Passer by:        "Fishing eh!, what are you fishing for."

Fisher:                 "I'm fishing for suckers."

Passer by:         "Have you caught any?"

Fisher:           "Yes you're the third today"


--------------------------------
From: Unknown
Subject: Skit - BEE STING
1st scout       "OOOOOUCH , OOOOOH ,  OOOUCH."

2nd scout       "What's the matter with you?"

1st scout        "A bee's stung my thumb."

2nd  scout        "Try putting some cream on it then."

1st scout         "But the bee will be miles away by this time."


--------------------------------
From: Unknown
Subject: Skit - "PATIENCE, JACKASS, PATIENCE!"

You can ham this up a bit, but here's the jist of it.

Two scouts enter (one on all fours if conditions allow) and move
across stage as the skit procedes.  One is the mule and the other
is the driver.  A narrator stands just offstage.

Narrator:       "In the heat of the Mojave Desert, the mule driver
pushes his beast toward town.  The first day. . ."

Mule:           "Water, master, water!"

Driver: "Patience, Jackass, Patience!"

Narrator:       "Still they drive on relentlessly. The second day. . ."

Mule:           "Water, master, water!"

Driver: "Patience, Jackass, Patience!"

Narrator:       "Without mercy, they push to their goal.
The third day. . ."
Mule:           "Water, master, water!"

Driver: "Patience, Jackass, Patience!"

Narrator:       "Still far from town, they go on.  The fifth day. . ."

Voice offstage: "What happened to the fourth day?"

Driver: "Patience, Jackass, Patience!"


--------------------------------
From: Unknown
Subject: Skit - CAMP COFFEE SKETCH

You need a large dixie or billy in the centre of the stage and
four scouts.
In England we have nesting sets of aluminium cooking pots with
a steel wire handle.  They look like a small straight sided bucket
or paint pot.  These are called Billys or Billycans.  We also have
larger cast iron or steel cooking pots usually oval in shape.
Most of these are army surplus and are known as Dixies.


1st scout       (Walks to billy carrying his mug.  He dips his mug
in and brings it up to his lips for a drink. )

                " THIS CAMP COFFEE IS GETTING WORSE! "

2nd scout       (Walks to billy carrying his mug.  He dips his
mug in and brings it up to his lips for a drink. )

                " THIS CAMP TEA IS GETTING WORSE! "

3rd scout       (Walks to billy carrying his mug.  He dips his
mug in and brings it up to his lips for a drink. )

                " THIS CAMP CHOCOLATE IS GETTING WORSE! "
4th scout       (Walks to billy, dips his hands in and takes out
a pair of wet socks.  As he wrings them out he says. )

                 "I THOUGHT THAT WOULD GET THEM CLEAN!"



--------------------------------
From: Unknown
Subject: Skit - THE SLEEP WALKER

You will need three scouts or male scout leaders and one girl scout
or lady leader.  You can do this with adults or youngsters, but
do not mix adults and youngsters.

The scene is that three boys are chatting in a group when from
the side of the stage, a young lady walks on, hands in front of her,
sleep walking.
She walks up to the first boy, takes off his tie and walks off
taking his his tie with her.

1st boy          " Hey she's pinched my tie."  (another word for
Pinched is stole or took)

2nd  boy        " It's dangerous to wake sleep walkers, don't worry
she'll bring it back when she wakes up."

The girl walks back and takes the second boys jacket, she walks off
carrying it with her.

2nd boy "Hey she's pinched my jacket."

3rd boy         "It's dangerous to wake sleep walkers, don't worry
she'll bring it back, when she wakes up."

The girl walks back still sleep walking, grabs the 3rd boy by the
arm and walks off with him.

3rd boy "It's dangerous to wake sleep walkers, but don't worry
she'll bring me back when she wakes up."


--------------------------------
From: Unknown
Subject: Skit - THE LIGHTHOUSE.

cast:  1    narrator
       3-6  Scouts for the lighthouse walls
       3-6  leaders, counselors, kitchen staff, etc., number to equal
            the Scouts and will be 'recruited' during the skit
       1    flashlight, or 2 if using 5-6 Scouts

Scouts stand in a circle, facing out, feet spread 2' - 3' apart
but touching feet of Scouts on each side.  The flashlight is held
at eye level and is passed around the circle.  Scouts stand tall
and hold the beacon's beam steady.
Narrator: "Many years ago the people of a seaside village built
a lighthouse to warn approaching ships of a dangerous shoal near
their harbor.  It's beacon could be seen for miles, even in fog
and storms.  For many decades, the lighthouse stood firm and give
safe passage to all who sailed by the village.
But as the years went by, the villagers grew old and so
did the lighthouse.  The villagers could no longer make repairs,
the ocean's waves wore away the foundation, the lighthouse started
to sag and failed at its duty."
The Scouts now stoop, heads lean to the side and bend their knees
slightly; the light 'travels' a zig-zag path around.


Narrator: "When the schooners and square riggers started to go
aground on the shoals, the old villagers knew they had to call
in experienced people to help with their problem.  People who
were pillars in their own communities and who were solid as a rock."

Recruit your favorite 'I'm gonna get you now' people and instruct
them to go down on their hands an knees and into the walls.
Leaders are facing in with their derrieres out, and are straddled
by the Scouts who again stand tall and give a steady light.

Narrator: "Now with these new rocks placed into the foundation,
the lighthouse once again shines a bright beacon and stands firm
in the stormy surf to withstand the pounding of the waves."

Scouts drop the flashlight and then hand paddle the leaders.


--------------------------------
From: Unknown
Subject: Skit - SARGE AND THE PRIVATE

Sarge and private walking.

 Private:        "I want to rest!"

Sarge:  "No!  we have to finish this hike keep going!"

Private:        "But my feet hurt" etc.  (Whining.)
Here you can be creative, add a few more excuses...

Sarge:  "Absolutely NOT!!!"

Private:        "Ill cry..."

Sarge:  "Go ahead!"

Private:        "WaaaaaaHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!"
Here Sarge gives in and they rest.  Next the private wants to stop
and ' take a wee'  (you can always use the "Weeee!" when the Sarge
finally gives in after the same Rigamarole.  and next a drink, and
finally food.  But this is only a day hike so there is no food.
After more tears, the sarge finds a worm and the private will only
eat it (on the threat of more tears) if the sarge eats half.
Of course when he finally does, the private starts bawling again and
screams

Private:        "You ate my half."


--------------------------------
From: [e-mail] (James Brezina u)
Subject: Looking For skits...

The skit starts out with a couple of campers (or scouts in your case) asking
for some volunteers from the audience (parents will do JUST fine...evil grin).

The volunteers are then removed from the room by one of the scouts in charge
of the 'Game Show' (thank you Vanna...)

After the volunteers have been removed, the 'Game' is set up.
Two tables (the folding type work VERY well) are covered with sleeping
bags and balls of various descriptions are placed under buckets on
these tables, the catch is that in between the two tables a person
(another scout perhaps) is kneeling with his head under a bucket to
resemble the other buckets (of course this is well hidden with sleeping
bags, or sheets or what ever you have handy)  The tables are then moved
close together to further hide the fact that there is anyone under the
table, and don't forget to cover the front of the table so that the
participant, or victim as it were, cannot see under the tables.

Bring in the first contestant...

It is then that the 'Game' is described to the contestant.  He/she is to
make his/her way down the line of buckets picking up each bucket and
naming the ball under the bucket.  Give some time record to be beaten.
Then as they make their way down the line and eventually pick up the
bucket off of the table under which the scout is hiding, the scout should
yell/scream etc. to further the shock value.

Bring in the next contestant...etc

This skit is generally really effective and is good for a few laughs if
nothing else.


------------------------------
From: [e-mail] (Gary Nelson)
Subject: Skit - A Brotherhood of Scouting

This skit has a Brotherhood theme, and is well-suited to the older sections
(Scouts and higher) and leaders, particularly in an all-sections campfire.
It is best presented near the end of the campfire, when things are winding
down (and the children have settled down).


---------------------------------------------------------------------------

                        BROTHERHOOD OF SCOUTING

People required for the Skit: 6
Cast:
Old Man with a Staff
Spirit of the Beaver
Spirit of the Wolf Cub
Spirit of the Scout
Spirit of adVenture
Spirit of the Rover
(fewer people may be used by doubling up on roles)

Skit Setup:

Index cards can be used by the Spirits if there isn't time to memorize each
role. (Small Flashlight recommended!)

The Old Man is inside the campfire circle, walking slowly with his staff.
He is slightly hunched over with age and leans on the staff heavily.

The Scouting Spirits are evenly spaced outside the campfire circle, just
far enough back not to be seen. (They should speak loud and clearly).

NOTE:
When the Old Man stops each time and looks into the fire, there should be
2-3 seconds of silence before the Spirits speak.

(The memories that the Old Man says aloud should be specific to the group,
so they have relevance to the audience and can feel the full impact of the
skit. Consult with other leaders/ youth for ideas.)

The Skit:

OLD MAN (Shuffling slowly around the campfire)
My life has been long, too long, and my Scouting years are behind me.
My friends are all gone and I am going to die alone. Old and Alone.
(Stops and stares into the fire)

ALL SPIRITS
"SHARING"

SPIRIT OF THE BEAVER
I am the Spirit of the Beaver.  When you were young, I taught you Sharing
and Caring for the World.

OLD MAN (Resumes shuffling slowly around the campfire)
<Beaver Memory> e.g. "Beavers. I remember Beavers. Riverbanks and the Beaver

Pond, making crafts to take home to Mom..." <etc.> (The Old Man stops again
and stares into the fire.)

ALL SPIRITS
"A-Ke-Lah"

SPIRIT OF THE WOLF CUB
I am the Spirit of the Wolf Cub. I taught you to do your best, I led your
Pack through the forest and you lived by My Law.

OLD MAN (Resumes shuffling around the campfire)
<Cub Memory> e.g. "Cubs. I rebember Cubs. Hot Dog roasts in the bush, my
first real camp-out, and of course the Kub Kar races..." <etc>. (The Old
Man stops again and stares into the fire.)

ALL SPIRITS
"On My Honour"

SPIRIT OF THE SCOUT
I am the Spirit of the Scout. I taught you knots and how to camp without
a trace, and together we explored the land.

OLD MAN (Resumes shuffling around the circle)
<Scout Memory> e.g. "Scouts. I remember Scouts. Long hikes and long camps,
breaking lake ice for water in the winter. And then there was Jamboree..."
<etc.> (Stops and stares into the fire.)

ALL SPIRITS
"Challenge"

SPIRIT OF ADVENTURE
I am the Spirit of adVenture. I taught you leadership and set you free, to
test your limits to the skies.

OLD MAN (Resumes shuffling around the fire)
<Venturer Memory> e.g. "Oh, yes, Venturers. Attending Jamboree as a
Hikemaster, leading people from around the world into the Rockies.
Getting my drivers license and trying to date Rangers..." <etc.>
(Stops and stares into the fire)

ALL SPIRITS
"Service"

SPIRIT OF THE ROVER
I am the Spirit of the Rover. I led you to adulthood and self-destiny.
We chose to give back the love we were given through Service.

OLD MAN (Resumes shuffling)
<Rover Memory> e.g. "Rovers. I could never forget Rovers. Helping out at
Dream-On, putting on District campfires. And then there were the Moots
and Road trips. And camps, camps, camps." (Slows down and begins to sink
to the ground. He is dying.)

ALL SPIRITS (Walk straight into the campfire circle from where they stand,
if possible. They should all arrive at the Old Man's body at the same time.
Wait a moment or two.)
"We are the brotherhood of Scouting". <Each section says its name in order -
BEAVERS, CUBS, SCOUTS, VENTURERS, ROVERS.>
"If you grow up with Scouting you are NEVER alone."


------------------------------
From:     Jim Speirs <[e-mail]>
Subject: skit files

Timothy Eaton  [in the USA this could be J.C. Penny or Montgomery Ward]

Number of participants: 4 or more
Props: Articles of clothing

# 2 enters and passes # 1, wearing a hat.

# 1: "Where did you get the hat ?"
# 2: "Timothy Eaton."
#3 enters and passes # 1 carrying a pair of pants.
# 1: "Where did you get the new pants ?"
# 3: "Timothy Eaton."

Others enter carrying new articles of clothing and offer similar
explanations.  Finally # 4 enters wearing just underwear.

# 1: "Who do you think you are dressed like that ?"
# 4: "I'm Timothy Eaton !"


The Operation

By setting up a white sheet and using a light behind it, a
hospital operation can be silhouetted onto the sheet, which is
set up like a screen.  Ham it up with humourous dialogue,
occasionally throwing a peeled tomatoe or a piece of raw liver or
spurt of ketchup out to the audience.  A good creative
imagination would be an asset here.

The Lost Quarter

Number of Participants: 5 or more
Props: None.

Scene: One person acts as a lamp post, shining a flashlight on
the ground.  Another is groping around in the pool of light.
(He's # 1).

A third person enters, sees # 1, and asks: "What are you looking
for ?"

# 1: "A quarter that I lost".

He joins # 1, and helps him search.  A fourth and fifth enter and
repeat the above scene.

Finally one of them asks # 1: "Where did you loose the quarter ?"
# 1: (Pointing away) "Over there:.
Boy: "Then why are you looking here ?"
# 1: "Because the light is better over here !"

The Dead Body

Number of Participants: 2

Scene: One person lying on the ground, dead.  Another sees him
and runs for the telephone and, panicking, gasps:  "Police,
there's a dead person here...  Where ? .... Un, (looking for a
sign), "I'm at Montgomery and Westchester...  Spell it ?... Uh,
M-o-t-n...  Uh,  M-o-t-g,," (confused), "Just a minute, I'll drag
him over to King and Elm !"


The Short Runway

Number of Participants: 2  (If more are desired, they can be
passengers, with suitable sound effects and actions.)

Props: Seating for pilot and co-pilot, and for passengers if
required.  A compass.

Announcer:  This scene is on board a very low budget airline.

Pilot    : Well, are we anywhere near the airport, co-pilot ?
Co-Pilot : (peering out the window) I don't know... I see lights
           over there to the port.  That's likely it.  Bring 'er
           around and have a look.
Pilot    : (lurching plane hard to the left) Boy, I can't tell.
           I wish the company would buy us some instruments.
Co-Pilot : (pulling compass from pocket) Oh, I've got my trusty
           compass and the sun went down about 20 minutes ago, so
           we've got to be on course.  (Excited) Look, see that
           spot down there, that must be it.
Pilot    : Okay, here we go.  Give me 20 degrees flaps, I'm going
           in.  (Puts plane into a nose dive, sound effects.)
Pilot    : This is going to be tough.  Give me more flaps, cut
           back the engines. (Louder) More flaps, less throttle !
Co-Pilot : (Appropriate actions and sounds, acting panicky.)
Pilot    : QUICK, cut the engines, give me brakes. MORE BRAKES !
Both     : (Sighs of relief) We're down, we made it !
Pilot    : Boy that was a short runway !
Co-Pilot : (Looking right, then left) Yep, and wide too !


Bell Ringer #1

Props:  Coat with football or wadded clothing under it for the
Hunchback, hat or nightstick for Gendarme.

Announcer: The Hunchback of Notre Dame has decided to retire, and
has place an ad in the Paris Times for someone to come and learn
how to ring the bells.

Effects: (Knock, knock, knock)

Hunchback: (Gravely voice) Oh, somebody must be here about my
           job.  I'll go down and see. (Goes 'round and 'round
           the campfire, as if going down the bell tower, bent
           over due to hunch.)
Effects  : (Knock, knock, knock)
Hunchback: (Angrily) I'm coming, I'm coming.  There's a lot of
           stairs here. (Arrives at and opens the door.)
Hunchback: Yeah !  What do you want ?
Applicant: I'm here about the bellringer's job.
Hunchback: All right !  Come on up and I'll see if you can do the
           job.  (Begins to go up (the other way around) followed
           by the applicant.)
Applicant: Boy, the ceiling is not very high here, is it ?
Hunchback: Listen, you go up and down these stairs 20 times a day
           for 45 years and you just learn to stay bent over.
           Hey, did you close that door, didn't you ?
Applicant: I don't know.  I don't remember.
Hunchback: Well, we gotta go down and keep it locked, can't run
           up the church's fuel bill.  (Both turn around and go
           back.)
Hunchback: That's the first thing you gotta learn.  Keep the door
           closed.  Up and down these stairs, that's the hard
           part.  (Arriving at door) O.K., so now you're here,
           close the door.
Applicant: (Closes door) How are the benefits in this job ?
Hunchback: (Both going back up) Well, it has it's ups and downs.
           The Church board will buy you ear plugs every six
           months and a new bottle of bell polish once a year.
           (Finally arriving at the bell)  Alright, now you stand
           over there, and I'll show you how it's done.  First
           you grab the bell here and push it out very hard
           (steps back and follows path of bell out and back)
           then the bell comes back on it's own.  That's all
           there is to it.  Do you think you can do that ?
Applicant: Sure ! (does the action with the bell, but does not
           step back, is hit by bell and falls back, to the
           ground)
Hunchback: Oh my gosh !  He's fallen 15 stories to the sidewalk.
           I'd better get down there. (Goes 'round and 'round
           until he reaches the ground)
           (Crowd enters mumbling, stops astonished at body)
Gendarme : (Entering, calls to Hunchback) Hey you !  Do you know
           this guy ? (Rolls body over with foot)
Hunchback: No, but his face sure rings a bell !


Bell Ringer # 2

(The trick with this skit is to do it the night after doing Bell
Ringer #1, and to do everything exactly the same - perhaps with a
little more 'hamming it up')

(When the Applicant arrives the Hunchback says:)
Hunchback: You look just like the guy who was here yesterday.
Applicant: Oh, that was my twin brother.

(Revert to the original dialog again.  The audience will think
it's getting a re-run and prepare itself for a 'groaner' of a
cheer.  When they hear the ending, you'll get a great reaction.)

(Carry on with dialog, except for the last line.)

Hunchback: No, but he's a dead ringer for the guy who was here
           yesterday !


Bell Ringer # 3

(To be used ONLY when Bell Ringer #1 and #2 have been used.)

Props: Rain slickers, blanket, and Gendarme gear from above.

(Two players enter in rain slickers holding blanket between them
like a jumping net.  The jig and jog around the performing area.

Gendarme  : (Entering) Hey, what are you guys doing ?
Fireman #1: Well, the last two nights some guy has jumped out of
            that bell tower, and we came to catch him !


The Bicycle Shop

(The scene begins with three players on their hands and knees, in
a row, as bicycles.)

Shop Owner: Well, there we are, three brand new bicycles all set
            up for sale.
Customer  : (Entering) Hi.  I'd like to buy a bicycle.
Shop Owner: Sure thing.  Why don't you try them on for size ?
            (Customer sits on the first bike and it falls down.
            The second is too big, while the third is too small.)
Customer  : I sure like the first one, let me try it again.
Shop Owner: Why not ? (Setting up bike again)  There you are,
            it's all set up again.  (Customer sits on it, and
            again it falls down.)
Customer  : I don't know.  I really like this one but it keeps
            falling down.  I'm afraid it's not made well enough.
Shop Owner: Our bicycles are all very well made.  It was just
            assembled this morning, and it may need a little
            adjustment.  Let me get some help.
(A volunteer is chosen from the audience, who is instructed to
hold one 'wheel' of the now upright bicycle.)
Customer  : (Sitting on the bike)  That's perfect now.  What was
            the problem ?
Shop Owner: Oh, we just need a big nut to hold it together !


The Lawnmower

(One participant is on his hands and knees as the mower.)

Owner    : (Yanking imaginary rope, while mower sputters)  This
           darned old mower, I can't get it going.  I need some
           help.  (Gets help from another participant.)
Helper #1: So you just want me to yank on this rope, and get it
           started ?  That's easy ! (Yanking rope)
Mower    : (Splutters, bobs up and down)
Helper #1: I'm sorry.  I can't seem to do it.  Have you checked
           the gas ?
Owner    : Yes, I have.  Thanks anyway.  Well, let's see who else
           has a strong arm.  (Selects another participant)  What
           I need you to do is to give a real good yank on the
           starting rope and make it run.
Helper #2: Sure thing.  (Yanks rope a couple of times.)
Mower    : (Bobs up and down, sputters, coughs)
Helper #2: Sorry, I can't do it either.
Owner    : What I need is someone big and strong (Selects a
           Leader) (Leader will probably make some comments, but
           let him talk and get him to pull the rope)
Mower    : (Splutters, coughs, starts to vibrate and run)
Owner    : There.  All it needed was a good jerk.


The Lost Lollipop

(Small boy is sitting, crying)

Passer-by #1: (Enters) What's wrong little boy, why are you
              crying?
Boy         : (Sobbing) I lost my lollipop !
Passer-by #1: Have you looked for it ?
Boy         : (Continues to sob) Oh, yes, I've looked under my
              bed, in my sock drawer, and even in Charlie's
              pocket.
Passer-by #1: I've heard that chanting often works.  You think
              very hard about the lollipop until you can see it
              in your mind, and chant 'lollipop' over and over
              again.
Boy         : (Closing eyes tightly) Big red yummy lollipop, big
              red yummy lollipop, big red yummy lollipop.
Passer-by #1: (Nods approval and strolls out)
Boy         : (Continues chanting for a while, then starts crying
              again)
Passer-by #2: (Enters) What's wrong, little boy ?
Boy         : (Sobbing) I lost my lollipop, and I hunted and
              hunted, then this man told me to chant, and I did,
              and it didn't work !
Passer-by #2: Chanted ?
Boy         : Yeah, like this (Demonstrates, then starts to cry)
Passer-by #2: Don't cry little boy.  Maybe we need more help.
Boy         : (Turns to audience) You're my only help to get my
              lollipop back.  Everybody, very softly now, chant
              with me, "Big red yummy lollipop, big red yummy
              lollipop, big red yummy lollipop." (Gets everyone
              doing it in unison) Great !  I think it's working,
              keep going now.
Passer-by #1: (Re-enters) Hi little boy.  Did it work ?
Boy         : (Loudly) No, it didn't, but I did find a whole lot
              of suckers !


The Brutal Miner

(Each character in the skit has a distinctive sound to make when
the Narrator says their name during the reading of the skit.  The
Narrator should pause, after reading the name of each character
so they can make their sound and for audience reaction.)

   Brutal Miner           Grrrrrrrrrr
   Tired Wife             Oh dear.
   Lazy Son               (Yawning sound)
   Young Daughter         (Giggles)
   Beautiful Daughter     "Ahhhhh"
   Handsome Harry         Ah Ha !
   Automobile             Honk Honk
   Cat                    Meow

Narrator:

Once upon a time in the far west, there lived a BRUTAL MINER, who
had a TIRED WIFE, a LAZY SON, a giggling YOUNG DAUGHTER, and a
BEAUTIFUL DAUGHTER.  On the other side of the mountain lived
HANDSOME HARRY.  This young man drove his AUTOMOBILE over the
mountains and carried mail to the BRUTAL MINER.

One day, the TIRED WIFE was cleaning the house.  The BEAUTIFUL
DAUGHTER was helping her.  The YOUNG DAUGHTER was playing with
the CAT on the steps and the LAZY SON was sleeping.  The BRUTAL
MINER came out and kicked the CAT.  The TIRED WIFE and the
BEAUTIFUL DAUGHTER rushed out with brooms and hit the BRUTAL
MINER, but this did not bother him.  He grabbed the TIRED WIFE by
one arm and the BEAUTIFUL DAUGHTER by the other and shoved them
into the house.  The YOUNG DAUGHTER ran away with the CAT.

Just then, HANDSOME HARRY drove up in his AUTOMOBILE and saw the
BRUTAL MINER beating the TIRED WIFE and the BEAUTIFUL DAUGHTER.
HANDSOME HARRY rushed to the rescue and grabbed the BRUTAL MINER
and threw him down the mine shaft.  The BEAUTIFUL DAUGHTER flew
into the waiting arms of HANDSOME HARRY, while the TIRED WIFE and
the YOUNG DAUGHTER watched with enthusiasm.  The LAZY SON slept
on.

HANDSOME HARRY took the BEAUTIFUL DAUGHTER in his AUTOMOBILE to
the little church in the wildwood and they lived happily every
after.


Chief Woodpussy

(Each character in the skit has a distinctive sound to make when
the Narrator says their name during the reading of the skit.  The
Narrator should pause, after reading the name of each character
so they can make their sound, and for audience reaction.)


   Cowboy                 Yippee !
   Old Paintbrush         (Whinney)
   Chief Woodpussy        (Makes war whoop)
   Sitting Bull           Hee Haw
   Emma                   (Rattles stones in tin)
   Timber Wolf            Howooooo
   Sheriff                Bang Bang.
   Deputy                 He went that-a-way

Narrator:

Once upon a time there was a COWBOY who went out into the desert,
riding his horse, OLD PAINTBRUSH.  Far off in the distance, he
could hear the TIMBER WOLF.  The COWBOY made camp and went fast
asleep, first making sure OLD PAINTBRUSH was secure.

Now, creeping through the desert was CHIEF WOODPUSSY riding his
mule SITTING BULL.  He was pursued by the SHERIFF and his DEPUTY.
In his pocket, CHIEF WOODPUSSY had his trained rattlesnake, EMMA,
who was trained to creep up and bite the COWBOY and his horse.
While CHIEF WOODPUSSY crept up, OLD PAINTBRUSH watched the camp,
the TIMBER WOLF howled, the COWBOY snored, and SITTING BULL ate
cactus.

In the meantime, the SHERIFF and his DEPUTY sprang their trap.
"Halt, you are my prisoner !" shouted the SHERIFF.  The COWBOY
woke up and mounted his horse, OLD PAINTBRUSH, which frightened
the TIMBER WOLF and EMMA.

Away went old CHIEF WOODPUSSY on his faithful mule, SITTING BULL,
and after them went the SHERRIF, his DEPUTY, the COWBOY and OLD
PAINTBRUSH.  But old CHIEF WOODPUSSY led them into a blind
canyon, so that was the last anybody ever saw of the COWBOY, OLD
PAINTBRUSH, EMMA, the rattlesnake, the TIMBER WOLF, the mule,
SITTING BULL, the SHERIFF, or his DEPUTY.


The Compass

Props: A good compass and a map

Announcer: In this scene, we see a Scoutmaster teaching a Patrol
           about maps and compass.

Scoutmaster: Now fellows, if you take a bearing from the map this
             way you can now stand up and, keeping the compass
             away from your belt buckle, walk along the bearing
             until you reach your destination.  John, you try
             that.
John       : (Does as instructed, exits, re-enters)
Scoutmaster: (Standing) In the same way you can take a bearing on
             a distant object, and use that to find where you are
             on the map.  Now, each of you take a bearing on that
             big tree on the hill top.
Other boys : (Do as instructed, passing compass around, making
             suitable comments.)
Scoutmaster: (After a few moments) All right, let's all gather
             around.  That wraps up tonight's compass lesson.
             There is just one more important point !  Never,
             never buy a TATES compass.
Tom        : Scouter, why should we never buy a TATES compass ?
Scoutmaster: You know the old saying: "He who has a TATES is
             lost!"


Fishing

(The scene opens with the two players rowing an imaginary boat.)

Andrew: Whew!  It sure is a long way out here.
Robert: Yep. (puts hand to eyes)  I can't see the shore anymore.
        Ready to start fishing ?
Andrew: I think so.  Looks like a good spot to me.

(Both ready imaginary rods, reels, hooks, worms, etc., and start
fishing.  Immediately they both start to catch fish, recast and
catch more.  Continue for several casts.)

Andrew: I told you this would be a good spot.
Robert: Sure is, the boat's full.  Guess we have our limit..
        better get back.
Andrew: O.K.  (gets oars ready)
Robert: Did you use a map to get here ?
Andrew: Nope.
Robert: How are we ever gonna find our way back tomorrow ?
Andrew: Oh, that's easy.  I'll just mark the spot with a big X
        right here on the side of the boat ! (makes mark - both
        row away quickly)


Gathering of Nuts

Vincent: I am the famous artist, Vincent Van Go Go.  I have come
         here this evening at great expense to create one of my
         living nature paintings which will express the
         atmosphere of this camp !  First I am going to need some
         trees.  (Two trees are selected from the participants in
         the audience, and are directed where to stand.  They
         wave their arms gently.)

Vincent: Now I will need some birds to twitter among the trees.
         (Three birds are selected and they move around the trees
         making twittering sounds.)

Vincent: (Stands back to view scene) Perhaps a sun to shine on
         everything. (A tall participant stands on a bench and
         smiles brightly.)

Vincent: (Again viewing) It's not right yet.  I know, some
         rabbits hopping around.  (Assistant Leaders are chosen
         for rabbits)

Vincent: One last touch.  A babbling brook.  Scouter, will you be
         the brook, you're always babbling ?  (The brook takes
         his place.)

Vincent: (Turns to audience) There it is, another Vincent Van Go
         Go original nature scene.  I call it "The Gathering of
         the Nuts."


Go Cart

(One participant is on hands and knees as the 'Go Cart')

Driver : Oh, this fool Go Cart is always giving me trouble !  Now
         the front wheel has come off.  (Selects member of
         audience)  Would you come over and give me a hand.
         Thanks.  (Selected person may have some comments to
         respond to - then they are led to the cart.)
Driver : Here, if you would just be the wheel I need.  That's
         right, get down on your hands and knees up there and be
         the front wheel.  Now let me try it again.  (Driver gets
         on car, tries to start it up.)
Go Cart: (Makes sputtering noises, starts, moves forward, then
         sags and sputters out.)
Driver : Now what is it ?  (Driver moves to rear, lifts cart,
         lets go and cart sags again.)
Driver : Now that old suspension has gone, I need more help.
         (Selects someone else)  Please come over here and be the
         suspension.  That's right, just hold the back end up
         there.  Now I'll try it again. (Gets on car, starts
         engine.)
Go Cart: (Sputters to life, moves forward, wobbles, and stops)
Driver : (Getting off)  Oh, no.  Now the rear wheel is loose.
         I'll go and get more help.  (Selects more help)  (New
         help is positioned at rear wheel.)
Driver:  This wheel is loose.  If you will just hold the wheel
         (indicates leg) tightly so it doesn't fall off, you'll
         be a big help.  Thanks.  (Driver gets on cart, starts
         engine)
Go Cart: (Starts up, runs fine, moves forward)
Driver : (Braking to halt) Oh, that's perfect now !  All I needed
         was a few NUTS to get it going !


Good Soup

Props: a large pot, several spoons, and a floor mop.  A chef's
hat would also be useful.

Announcer:  This scene takes place in the camp Dining Hall.

(Several boys are seated around a large pot, sampling the
imaginary contents with the spoons.)

Scott : Boy, this is sure good soup.
Brad  : Yep, it's got REAL flavour.
David : Sure is, why it's even better than my Mom makes.
Mathew: Oh yeah.  It's the best food I've eaten at camp all week.
Cook  : (Enters waving floor mop and shouting) Hey you guys !
        Get out of my mop water !!!


Letters from Home

Props: Two sheets of paper.

Scott: (Enters)  Gee, it's always nice to get a letter from home
       when you're at camp.
Robin: (Enters) Hey, look, I got a letter from my Mom.
Scott: Me too.  Listen, my Mom says she's writing this letter
       slowly, because she knows I can't read fast.
Robin: Mine says I won't know the house when I come home..
       They've moved !
Scott: Oh, my Dad has a new job with 500 men under him.  He's
       cutting the grass at the cemetery.
Robin: Our neighbours started keeping pigs.  Mom got wind of it
       this morning.
Scott: Oh, my goodness.  My little brother came home from school
       crying because all the other boys had new clothes and we
       can't afford any for him.  Mom says she got him a new hat
       and lets him stand in the window.
Robin: There was a washing machine in the new house.  But my Mom
       put four shirts in it, pulled the handle and they
       disappeared.  Guess it doesn't work right.
Scott: My Mom had her appendix out and a dishwasher put in.  And,
       oh, my sister had a baby this morning.  Mom doesn't know
       if I'm an Aunt or and Uncle, because she doesn't know yet
       if it's a boy or a girl.
Robin: Oh, dear, there's a P.S.  It says, I was going to send you
       $ 10.00, but I had already sealed the envelope.
Scott: Well, it's nice to know things are normal at home.
Robin: Yep.  (Both exit)

(With this skit it is possible to put each boy's script on a
sheet of paper, and they can read it out, as though they were
reading the letter.  They should rehearse, of course, to make it
sound natural.)


Lunch Break

Props: Lunch bags or pails.

Announcer:  We see here a construction site.  It is now lunch
            time, and two friends are about to eat.

Worker 1: (Opens lunch bag and looks very disgusted) Yechhhh !!
          Egg salad sandwiches again !
Worker 2: Look, if you hate them that bad, I'll swap with you.
          (Both pretend to eat, then exit.)

Announcer: The next day.

Worker 1: (Enters with Worker 2, opens lunch bag and looks very
          disgusted)  Yechhhh !!! Egg salad sandwiches again !
Worker 2: O.K... I'll trade with you again.  (Both pretend to
          eat, then exit.)

Announcer: The next day.

Worker 1: (Enters with Worker 2, opens lunch bag and looks very
           disgusted) Yechhh !!  Egg salad sandwiches again !
Worker 2: (Angrily) Look, if you don't like egg salad sandwiches,
          why don't you ask your (wife/mom/significant other) to
          make something else ?
Worker 1: My (wife/mom/significant other)?? She's got nothing to
          do with it.  I make my own sandwiches !

New Saw

Announcer:  This scene takes place in a hardware store in a small
north woods lumber town.

Lumberjack: (Enters) My old crosscut saw is worn out, and I need
            something that will let me cut more wood, or I'm
            going to go broke !
Owner     : Yes, sir !  For only one hundred bucks you can be the
           proud owner of this chain saw.  I guarantee that it
           will cut twice as much wood in a day as your own
           crosscut.
Lumberjack: (Handing over money) O.K. great ! (Exits)

Announcer:  The next day.

Lumberjack: (Enters tiredly)  There's something wrong with this
            saw.  I worked very hard yesterday, and only cut half
           as much wood.
Owner     : Well, sir, I have a lot of faith in this product.
            Here, I'll put a new chain on it and you give it
            another try.
Lumberjack: O.K., but if it doesn't do any better, I'll be back !
           (Exits)

Announcer: The next day.

Lumberjack: (Enters exhausted)  This darned saw is no good.  I
            worked even harder, and still it won't cut half the
            wood of my old saw !  I want my money back !
Owner     : Yes, sir !  Just let me check it out here.  (Pulls
            starter rope
Announcer: (Makes sound effects of saw running.)
Lumberjack: Oh, my gosh ! What on earth is all that noise ?


Puppy in the Box

Props: A cardboard box, and a stuffed dog (or rabbit, etc.)

Announcer:  This scene takes place on the street outside a
grocery store.

(Several participants are gathered around outside the store,
chatting.)

Roger : (Enters holding the box)  Hi guys, would you please hold
      this box for me while I go into the store ? (Exits)
Martin: I wonder what's in the box ?
Gerry : I don't know, but something is leaking out !
Bob   : (Rubs finger against the bottom of box, then licks
        finger)  Hmmm, it tastes like lemon soda.
Martin: (Also rubs box and tastes finger)  No.  I think it's more
       like chicken soup.
Roger : (Returns, looks in box) Oh, you naughty puppy !


Fly in the Soup

Customer: Waiter, waiter, there's a fly in my soup !
Waiter  : (Enters, very snooty, peering into the soup)  Oh, yes,
          you are right sir.  That will be an extra 25 cents for
        the meat.
Customer: But waiter, he's swimming all over the top !
Waiter  : (Still snooty) You are right, sir.  It doesn't know
          it's a fly, sir.  It's doing the Butterfly stroke.
Customer: Well, I think it must be an Australian !
Waiter  : Why do you say that sir ?
Customer: BECAUSE IT'S DOWN UNDER NOW !


Someone Chanted Evening

Props: Blankets and rope to make Monk's Cassock.

Friar: Good morning, everyone.
Monks: Good morning.
Friar: For our Matin, we are going to practice chanting.  All
       together now, repeat after me: (Chanting) Morning,
       morning, mor-or-ning.
Monks: (Rather raggedly) Morning, morning, mor-or-ning.
Friar: Not bad, but we need to get more feeling and rhythm into
       it.  Let's try again.  (A couple more attempts are made,
       each one better, then on the third try it sounds
       excellent, but one Monk chants loud and clear, "Ev-en-
       ning".)
Friar: Cut, Cut !  What was that ?
Brother Daniel: What's wrong, Friar ?  I thought it sounded good.
Friar: (Breaking into song) Someone Chanted Evening !


St. Peter

Announcer:  Here we see St. Peter at the Pearly Gates.

Ian      : (Walks up to St. Peter) Hello, St. Peter.  I see I've
         come to Heaven.
St. Peter: Well, you're not in yet !  First you've got to tell me
          how you suffered on Earth.
Ian      : Well, I spent a week eating camp food.
St. Peter: I'm sorry, you haven't suffered enough.  (Ian exits
           dejectedly.)
Doug     : (Enters) Hi, I'm here to get into Heaven.
St. Peter: Fine, fine.  And how have you suffered ?
Doug     : I went on a long hike and got blisters all over my
           feet.
St. Peter: Sorry.  That's not enough suffering to get into
           Heaven. (Doug exits)
Brad     : (Enters) Can I get into Heaven ?
St. Peter: How did you suffer ?
Brad     : I'm in (Pick someone's name who can take a joke)
           (troop/pack/six/class, etc.)
St. Peter: Well, come on in !!


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End of part 1, File '1_skits-yells-and-campfires'